Do you remember when you first learned to write? That blissful moment when you wrote your first sentence? Okay so, 'love' isn't spelled with a U and 'you' isn't spelled with two O's. But hey! You used letters to at least TRY and say something! Certainly better than nothing right?

You were growing up, doing something big kids do. But then how many people remember theirs first steps? Or their first word? The first time they got dressed all on their own? (So what if your shirt was on inside out and backwards!) But at that moment, weren't you proud? Don't you think that sweet little heart all children have swelled with pride? You were growing up! What an amazing thing! You were getting to be a big kid!

How magical it is to watch children grow. To remember being that small. (Even though I KNOW I my feet were never that small lol) To see their faces light up when their efforts are recognized! That wonderful recognition! I'm here, I'm real, someone's paying attention to me! I'm a person too!

Isn't that what all children want? To grow into someone that gets NOTICED? Think of everything you go through growing up. It's all to be noticed. Whether it's conscious or not, that's exactly what it is. Even the people that retreat are trying to be noticed. All anyone wants, especially when you're that young, is to be noticed. To have someone confirm that yes, they hear you, that yes, they see you. All you ever really want, is to be believed in. No matter how small that belief is. You just want to be recognized.

My Artwork

See how creative I get in my spare time? lol

Yes, I took that picture, and yes I did the editing. ;op I'm so smart! lol

lol Love it

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blaaaahhhhhh lol

Seasons and Birthdays

I don't really know what I'm thinking. Have you ever felt that? That dull mix of emotions where nothing seems to stand out? You're not stressed, or worried, or happy, or bored, or excited, or anything. You're just... there... That's how I feel right now. I'm just... here.

I feel this quiet vibration inside me. It's like my soul is shaking. I know that doesn't make the best sense to everyone or anyone, really. But it's like my energy is vibrating. I can't really describe it any other way. If I could see it I'd imagine it looks like electricity. Arcing and twitching, never staying still for more than a split second. Too nervous or excited or maybe it's just hyper. It's a very peaceful feeling though. Even though I'm not intending to, I know I have this small contented smile. I feel like a cat laying in the summer's hot sun. Relaxed, content, lazy.

I'm really very sad that summer is pretty much over here. The trees are tinged yellow and the nights have a nipping cold to them. Even the breeze in the daytime, even if it's 80 degrees, feels too cold for comfort. In a month the temperature will have dramatically dropped. The trees will be almost bare, their tanned skin showing quite shamefully in the cool fall sunlight. Before my birthday snow will fall, maybe enough to cover the ground, maybe it won't stay at all, melting on contact with the warm earth. I won't dream of leaving the house without a jacket at least. Probably a scarf and coat by my birthday.

I remember my sweet sixteen. It snowed and snowed. It was perfect. I got what I wanted. A world wrapped tightly in a thick layer of white. I'd had my hair braided tight the night before so that it was a mess of waves, catching the snowflakes. Running up to my friend's house to get her, leaving deep tracks in the snow. God, she fussed about it lol... Then after getting inside to where we were having dinner, the snow melting in my hair and on my coat. That cold damp feeling I hate lol... I loved watching my family. Laughing, actually having fun. No arguments, no one drinking too much, no uncomfortable moments. Everyone just enjoying themselves. Before my aunt and uncle divorced, before Martha started dating a guy I'm actually afraid of, before my world cracked a little more.

There are only two birthday's I really loved. One was my fourth birthday. I saw everyone in my family, and since this was before money was such an issue in my family, my parents took me to Florida, to meet of course, Mickey Mouse lol... I don't even remember that lol I remember going there, but not that part. The other was my sixteenth. Because for the first time in a very long time, I was really happy. I felt like I had family here. I had a home without wheels, my family wasn't fighting, and the snow was falling in giant white flakes from a black sky. It was something I hadn't expected. I remember I hadn't been excited. I had been worried. Who would get drunk, who would pick a fight, who would say something that set that horrible uncomfortable mood because what they had said was a bitter truth everyone was trying to ignore.

Maybe that's why I hate winters. When someone says something that makes you really want to escape and you can't just step outside. In spring, summer, fall I can just stand outside and breathe. I don't have to fuss with pulling on shoes and a jacket to run away. I can just run.

Oh well. I'm not happy fall is here because that means winter is right behind it. We have such short falls here. Really we do. You blink and you miss it. Kind of like life. Blink and a year has gone by.

I hope I don't blink.

Link

I'll put this in here even if I have only three readers lol Oh well, I get browsers too. Besides this is worth looking at. It's lovely. Make sure to read about it, I don't think it's as amazing if you don't read about it. Like my grandfather said, "If you want to learn read the god damn book!" Yeah... He was... colorful lol

LYMPH